Love, Olivia
by babybensler
Summary: Her world is a mess of broken pieces but she finds that there's only one person out there that makes her feel whole again. What happens when their platonic friendship turns into something more? He's getting a divorce so it's okay, right?
1. Goodnight, Olivia

**I tried updating Stay but I fell into this world of Bensaro and wasn't able to **_**not **_**write it so there's that.**

_**Now….**_

It's nearing midnight and she's wide awake- in _his _bed, laying on her back with her arm thrown across her forehead. They had finally closed a hard case this evening, and they had celebrated by cooking good food and getting to bed at a decent hour. She hadn't planned on spending the night but after a few glasses of wine she had been easily persuaded.

Plus it had been nice not having to sleep alone. The night terrors came a little less often. Getting kidnapped twice in a year did that to you.

Months had passed since then and with hours dedicated to therapy she found herself finally at a place in her life where she felt sane again. Except on nights like these when the terrors would come back to haunt her and keep her awake in fear of them happening again. She didn't want to wake him. He wouldn't sleep until he knew for sure that she was, and he already did so much for her.

She huffed and couldn't take the silence any longer, and decided to get up to at least busy herself by making a cup of tea. The moment she sat up her body tensed when she heard him begin to stir. She felt like such a burden. He worried too much about her she doubted he remembered what exactly a good night's sleep was.

"Another nightmare?" She sat on the edge of the bed and felt his hand run over her lower back. If she lied she knew he would be even more alarmed.

"It's nothing really. Not as bad as the others," she looked barely over her shoulder at him and gave a half smile.

"Liv-"

"I'm fine. I'm just going to go make some tea," he started to kick off the covers and she reached her hand to stop him.

"Go back to sleep. I'll be just fine," she pushed herself up and shuffled across the cold floors of his bedroom. She knew telling him to stay in bed wouldn't last long, and he'd be coming up soon behind her.

"Ouch!" She yelped quietly when she felt her toe step on what she was sure was one of his daughters toys. It felt like no matter how much cleanup they did before bed time, there was always these little ones left behind. Olivia picked it up and seen it was one of the parts to a toy she had just bought her. It made her smile inside for some reason. Maybe because it held the memory of her begging for it in the store, and Olivia looking into those chocolate brown eyes of hers and not being able to say no.

She found herself in the kitchen ready to put on the kettle and made sure to boil enough water for the both of them. It was only a few minutes before he showed up in the doorway dressed in his printed pants and tee. He didn't say a word, only coming up behind her to envelope her in his arms from behind. Her body tensed for a second, and he held her just a little tighter. She relaxed into his touch remembering it was just him.

It was just Nick.

They stood embraced like that for awhile standing near the counter until she finally felt like she was back on solid ground. He kissed her temple and she almost felt the urge to cry. He was gentle with her- attentive to her needs. Nick paid attention to when she needs him to be "normal" with her, not walk on eggshells around her; or when she needed him like this on a more intimate level as she worked through an episode.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," she turns in his arms and genuinely hugs him, wrapping her arms around his torso and buried her face into his shoulder. He feels his heart warm knowing how much it took for a woman like Olivia to admit to that. He's honored and above all else moved that he's the one she chose to let in.

He felt a wet spot on his shirt and he realized that she had been crying. "Please don't cry," his hand cradled the back of her head and he kissed the side of it. "Remember what we said? One day at a time, no matter how long it takes."

"I just feel like every time I make progress this happens and I feel- I feel defeated," she pulled back her head to look up at him, directly in his eyes for affirmation. That he was still here with her and not slowly drifting away from her because this was becoming too much. It would never be too much for him. Never.

"You shouldn't. You are not the same Olivia that I pulled out of that warehouse months ago," he said simply to continuously remind her of that. It was always her being the sound mind for victims, but who was going to be there for her?

"You've been back at work now for three weeks, you're going to therapy, this is your first night terror in what? A week? Nothing about this is a set back," his lips connected to her forehead and her eyes snapped shut as more tears began to flow.

He had no idea what exactly happened in these terrors, and he never bothered to ask. Nick knew that she would come to him when she was ready to open up to him, and for now he was going to just be there for her to help pick up the pieces in the aftermath.

"I-" she almost said it. The words almost slipped out but she knows now is not the right time, it was never the right time. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but that didn't seem like the right thing to say just yet. While their relationship teetered on the borderline of platonic and romantic, he was still waiting on his divorce to be finalized. It felt wrong to love him in anyway while he was still legally married to his soon to be ex wife, but she did. Olivia loved Nick as her best friend, her confidant, and sometimes she felt a little bit more.

"You're right," she managed to give him a small smile. "I just want to put this behind me and try to continue moving on- especially with you," she can't help the blush that creeps up on her cheeks at her admission.

"Is it time to go to school yet?" Zara appeared out of nowhere, startling them both when they saw her standing in the doorway to the kitchen with sleep still in her eyes. Nick let go of Olivia and went to scoop his little one into his arms.

"Not quite yet. Sorry if we were being too loud. Let's get you back to bed," he kissed her head in its mess of brown waves.

"Can Olivia take me?" she laid her head on his shoulder and reached for the new woman in her father's life. Zara had been around Olivia plenty of times, but it took her some getting used to when it became her seeing Olivia at her house. Especially the same house that her mom and dad had lived together in. It didn't take long though for Olivia to grow on her. Soon enough they had started going on little dates together, hanging out one on one, and Olivia sometimes went to pick her up from school for Nick. She hadn't been in a relationship with anyone who had children, but it was different of course because it was Nick.

"Let's go little one," she took her from Nick's arms and Zara wrapped her little legs around her waist and she carried her back to her room without any question. Olivia placed her gently back into bed and pulled her blankets over her before leaning down and placing butterfly kisses to her face.

"Sweet dreams. I'll see you in the morning," she grinned and gave her one last kiss to her forehead.

"Goodnight Olivia," Zara said quietly before drifting back off to sleep already. Olivia sat for just a moment on her knees next to the bed and watched her sleep for just a little bit. She heard the floor creak and saw Nick standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest looking over at them.

"You can't help but wish that they never grow up," he nearly whispered and walked over to Olivia to help her back to her feet. "I only have a few more weeks with her here in New York."

"Then I think we should make the absolute best of it," he bent to give her one more kiss goodnight. "That tea should definitely be ready by now.

**I'm going to take this story slow, my workload for school is insane this semester :( **

**Please leave me a review! I can't wait to write something with a little more depth to it, and explore a story that follows a different route in the aftermath of William Lewis.**


	2. Kiss Me, Olivia

It's nearing six in the morning and she's sleeping soundly next to him- she has been for the last two hours, and he thinks _thank God. _Her body is laid on it's side, with her stomach and chest partially strewn over his own. He can feel the rise and fall of her chest, and small heated breaths leaving her body as her mind goes through REM. Her arm stretched across the expanse of his chest, the ends of her fingers dangled over the edge of his body.

6:01 am.

It's not lost on him the intimacy of their position. The memories of how he would lay in bed with Maria like this flooded his memory for a moment, but this wasn't his soon to be ex wife. This was Olivia Benson: his goddamn partner. He knows the nature of their relationship is just as _close_ friends, but he also knows that's complete and utter bullshit. Since her last abduction- since that warehouse they had been bound to one another like glue. Olivia found solace in his company.

It started that night she called him just a few hours after she insisted they leave her at home alone after being released from the hospital…

_**Then….**_

Olivia had finally been released from the hospital after spending nearly six hours there getting testing done and evaluated to make sure it was safe for her to come home. She couldn't believe that she had to go through this entire ordeal again. Except this time that son of a bitch was dead. He'd put a bullet in his head right in front of her, his blood splattered all over her as he fell to the ground; his brain matter leaking through the hole in his skull. She remembers it all so vividly yet she's trying so hard to already forget it happened.

He'd almost raped her- _killed _her.

She can't shake the memory of his gun on her, forcing her to play a game of russian roulette. The circular end of the metal touching her temple as she urges herself to pull the trigger. _This was it. _

"Liv?" She was pulled from her reverie. Her body was laid out on her couch as the guys tried to help her get settled in as much as they could.

"I'm sorry what did you say?" She couldn't even hide that she was completely out of it. The images played through her mind like a reel of footage, only showcasing the most brutal parts of her torture.

"Do you want us to stay with you?" Fin stood near the coffee table with his hands shoved into his pockets. She knew he was trying his hardest but the look of worry on his face wasn't helping her case at all.

"No, I'll be fine. I just need some quiet," Nick came from the kitchen with a glass of water in his hand and a bottle of ibuprofen.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. I know if I need anything to call."

"Anytime," Nick emphasizes.

"Anytime," she repeats back to him and gives a faint smile. He feels the entire world still around him when he sees the sadness etched into her face. Olivia is trying her hardest to appear okay in front of them- this he knows. For chrissakes, she had just endured a scenario he wouldn't even wish on his worst enemy.

This was his partner, his _best friend _and one of the strongest women he knows. To see her so...broken? He can't seem to process it. Not again.

"You rest up. Good night, Liv," Fin heads for the door and looks over at her for a moment more until she closes her eyes. His feet feel like blocks of cement as he urges himself to leave her, and for his own selfish reasons he hopes that she does call him tonight.

"I'll have my phone on me," he says softly before turning away and following Fin.

_**Now….**_

6:03 am

It's time to get up for work and he debates if it's truly worth going in if it means leaving this bed. "They're just friends," he knows. Just friends who spent almost every night together, sleeping in the same bed; who gave each other forehead kisses and pecks to the cheek, cried to one another as they both went through the toughest moments in their lives. He's going down a whirlwind of flooding emotions and shakes the thought of them being anything more. He feels like an asshole for even thinking about it but there wasn't anyway they would be remaining just friends.

She stirred against his body almost as if she could hear everything going on up there in his head. He began moving swiftly from underneath her and he thought he had succeeded until he heard her mumble his name. "I'm right here Liv. I gotta wake Zara up for school, you rest," he leaned over the king bed with his forearms resting on the mattress. It bowed with added weight and her body turned more towards him. Her eyes were barely opened trying to seek him out in the darkness of the room. He rubbed her hair back from her face and kissed her forehead before pulling the comforter up further and padding his way down the hall.

…..

"I'll be right outside," Nick sat in the driver's side of the unmarked SUV parked outside the three story building. Today was therapy day and Olivia was down to one session a week. He was so proud of her. For the last few months he's been taking her to make sure she goes. It has been their routine every week since that first day he offered to take her for support. Nick sat outside waiting for the hour and sometimes even grabbed her a coffee or a snack for after. It was comforting she admitted and couldn't imagine what she would have done without him here.

"See you in an hour," she gives him a small smile before opening the door and heading inside. It was only two weeks ago that she only started coming once a week. Her and Dr. Lindstorm had made so much progress, and as much as she protested therapy she's thankful she bit the bullet and went.

She stepped off the elevator to the second floor and walked through the familiar hallways until she reached his office. She knocked before entering and was glad to finally feel comfortable entering this room. Therapy was scary and defeating sometimes, it always felt like a chore to come here. Now it felt like the one place she could go and not feel like a victim- like she wasn't going completely insane and instead felt like she was healing and moving on with her life.

"Hi Olivia, how are you?" Dr. Lindstorm stood from his desk and just like routine had come around to join her on the two cushioned arm chairs.

"I'm hanging in there," she settled into the chair across from him and wrapped her cardigan tighter around her, suddenly feeling a chill around her.

"You sound a lot different than last week," it was his job to ask, to be concerned but she sometimes wished he wasn't so adamant sometimes.

"I had a night terror- last night actually," her voice is quiet and can't help the shame that follows admitting it out loud for the first time to anyone besides Nick. Her lips pursed together trying to form together the right words. It had been weeks, yes, since her last terror but she felt defeated. This chapter of her life would never close. She would always be healing, always working towards "normal".

"How did you handle that?" He jots down a few notes and looks back up to her.

"Oh well…" she blows out a deep breath sending the few hairs framing her face up. "Nick was there to help me through it. He made me tea, we talked about it, and somehow I managed to get a few hours of sleep afterwards," there's a pause that follows between them and it causes her to fidget with the sleeve of her cardigan.

"You're still sleeping at Nick's house?" His question made her groan internally. Dr. Lindstorm didn't like the idea of her leaning so heavily on him at times through her journey.

"Not every night," she tries not to sound so defensive but her tone betrays her.

"But?"

"But I am there most nights," she picks at the few pieces of lint on her slacks refusing to look up at him. Olivia doesn't want to be scolded and hit with the harsh reality that she would have to learn to be more dependent.

"How many nights is _most_?" He's pushing for her to be honest with herself.

"Every day this week," the words catch in the back of her throat and she finds herself close to tears. Before her attack she hadn't ever been this emotional and she wishes she could just hold her shit together for just one goddamn session.

"Why is that?" He grabbed a few tissues from the box on the small table between them and handed them to her.

"I don't know...I guess he just makes me feel safe. He's the first person I saw both times after…" she stops herself from even saying his name out loud and takes a moment to catch her breath. "Having someone next to me at night and be right there to hold me when I need it most is just a lot more comforting than being in my bed alone," the truth floods from her mouth.

"Because you're scared of dealing with the possibility of having a night terror alone?"

"Yes. I had them when I first was home alone for weeks and I barely slept because I was so terrified of having them again."

"Here's the difference between then and now, Olivia. You are so much stronger than you were those few months ago. This was your first night terror in a week. You can do this," his tone isn't in a condescending way to make her feel like she's a small child he's coaching to feel better. She knows he's right. All of her hard work over the last few months had come down to this very moment, and now was the time she would have to step out into the world on her own without Nick there to hold her up.

"So what you're saying is you want me to try sleeping at home more this week?" Olivia isn't dumb she knows that's exactly what he's saying, but she needs the confirmation or she knows she'll stay in this constant state of denial.

"I get it. You and Nick are in a relationship-"

"We're _not _in a relationship. We're just friends," he looks at her with his eyebrows raised almost like he doesn't believe her. Hell, she doesn't even believe herself.

"What?"

"Just friends?" He repeats her words back to her as a question.

"Nick is in the midst of a divorce, I just got out of a long term relationship. We're just great at being there for each other. He's my partner, my best friend," her cheeks became flushed and the chill she felt earlier has now become a spiraling heat filling her body. Now's the time to face this head on and she hates every bit of it.

"Do you ever see yourself being more than just close friends with Nick?"

"No," she shoots back quickly and after two decades of mastering interrogations and bluffing, Olivia can't even get herself to lie about that. "Yes," she sighs and rubs her thumb and forefinger against her forehead.

"Why do you think you struggled so much to answer that question?"

"Because I can't do that to us to _Nick, _our jobs and our friendship are at stake here. I don't want to ruin that," the walls they've managed to build around them to keep everyone out have managed to be demolished all at once in a matter of minutes.

….

Olivia had been abnormally quiet since she had gotten back from therapy hours ago. Sometimes she just needed a little time to process and regain a sense of ground, but it hadn't been like this in awhile. He gave her her space despite wanting to reach out to keep her close to him. Although she was distant most of the day, he still invited her over for dinner tonight. She accepted of course and might he dare say he saw her light up just a little bit more.

They had gotten back to his place just in time for Zara to help them cook, and she helped him put her to bed soon after. Zara had requested for Olivia to read her a story tonight and he gave them some much needed girl time together. It wasn't long before he heard her footsteps creaking down the hallway into the kitchen when he finished loading the dishwasher.

She came into the kitchen still dressed in her slacks and blush colored blouse only missing her blazer and shoes. Olivia stood in the entryway of the kitchen almost as if she was debating on crossing the threshold, because the moment she did she knew it was time to talk about whatever happened in her session today. He waited patiently leaning back on the counter with the edges of his fingers resting on each side.

She wrapped her arms around her and she looked towards the ground before finding the courage to finally look up at him. His eyes burned into her soul reading her and couldn't bare it anymore. Nick knew her too well.

"I'm sorry Nick," Olivia's voice croaked and she felt a burning in the back of her throat. Again with the crying- when it came it flooded and she wishes not everything felt like the end of the world.

"Don't you ever feel sorry," he held his hand out to her and she obliged, craving his warmth around her. He pulls her into his chest and he relaxes when he feels her arms wrap around his torso. Her head rests on his shoulder and he feels his shirt dampen once again like the night before. "I want you to be able to tell me what's wrong. Don't ever feel ashamed. We've talked about this," his voice is soft and low, his breaths between words making her hair fly lightly.

"Dr. Lindstorm thinks I'm too reliant on you- that I'm here too much and need to work on spending more nights at my place," it hits him like a brick when he realizes where she's going with this. A night without Olivia? As much as it seemed she needed him, there's a part of him that needs her more. "He wants me to be more independent and I can't. I can't do this without you. I just can't and that terrifies me because it makes me realize that-" She stops herself from admitting much more of the truth than she intended. His body stills beneath her and the room falls completely silent. He's waiting for her to finish that thought. To let him know that what he was feeling wasn't one sided. Nick was tired of tiptoeing around it but Olivia's pace was much more important for him to follow. And here they were, finally crossing the line they had teetered on for months.

"It makes me realize that I love you, and that leaves me petrified. You're my partner, Nick. I can't ruin that because I _need _you Nick," she's pulled away from him and he completely shatters when he sees her face coated in her tears. His hands cup each side of her cheeks and push her hair out of her face. He searches her eyes for answers that he knows she won't openly admit outloud. It's a gamble but she doesn't back away when he pulls her gently towards him. His mouth lowers onto hers softly and he feels her falter in his hands, leaning in closer to open herself up to him. It's the most she's felt in months. The adjustment of her meds made it hard to feel the desire for anything.

Nick waits on her to make the next move, not wanting to push her too far. It's when she pulls away from him that he worries if he's gone a step too far. The corners of her mouth upturn the slightest and it's confirmation that it was nothing close to being too much.

"Here I was afraid of blurring too many lines and you just went and did _that_," a nervous laugh leaves her body. She would be lying if she said she didn't want more. A part of her wants to test just how far they were both willing to go.

"Was that okay?" He moved his hands down to her shoulders and gave them a squeeze. Before he can even pull his hands completely away from her she grabbed ahold of them and held them with her own.

"It was more than okay," she bites on her lower lip craving to kiss him again but she worries herself if maybe that was moving too fast already. "I'd be lying if I said I haven't wanted to do that for awhile," crimson rises up her cheeks and she feels like a school girl all over again.

"Well I wouldn't be against doing that again. I mean if that's alright with you," his thumbs run along the backsides of her hands. She leans forward and her forehead connects with his. Anything to savor this moment before reality comes crashing down on them.

….

**Social distancing has me updating...crazy! Expect an update to Stay here soon as well. Thanks for sticking me as always xx.**


	3. Risks

Olivia's in the kitchen opening a new bottle of wine for them, dressed in a pair of his sweats that she'd rolled twice at the top and an oversized t-shirt. She's fresh out the shower and her hair is halfway dried and begins to wave up into amber tendrils all over her head. He had just finished showering after her, just as eager to get the grime of the work day washed off. He's matching her almost in a pair of sweats too as he leans against the doorframe to the kitchen.

Zara has a game tomorrow morning that they both are definitely going to and he had convinced her to spend one more night with him. He knows he should probably feel guilty but he also knows that Olivia was just waiting on one small reason to spend one more night. Nick's mouth tips up in a smile when she turns around to face him with two glasses half full in her hand. She's fucking beautiful. Maybe it's the fact that she's here standing in his kitchen barefoot with no makeup, and her hair is going all sorts of ways that only happens when she lets it air dry. He only gets to see her like this here in his house when they're together, and he hates to think about all the bastards who've gotten the privilege to see her like this.

"You got some crumpets or cake to go with this?" He teases her and takes the rosé from her hands. She admonishes him, shaking her head with a small smile.

"C'mon, humor me for a little," a laugh escapes her. Normally he left the wine drinking up to her and went for a beer, but she always had him taste a sip or two of her glass trying to get him to enjoy a glass with her.

She took a sip from her glass and wished he could get a taste of it on her lips. If only it were that easy.

_Slow. _

He reminds himself.

She intakes a breath of air and he knows he's been caught looking at her full lips that she's now biting the bottom of.

"You done?" She rasps and smirks over at him before pushing past and going around into the living room. Her body relaxed into the leather sofa with her feet stretched out onto the wooden coffee table. He followed behind falling next to her and took a few sips from his wine. "It's good huh?" She looked over at him just satisfied that he was drinking the wine.

He reached over and tucked her hair behind her ear. Her face tilted into his palm with her eyes sliding shut. The tips of his fingers knitted into her hair, with his thumb lightly massaging her temple. "What are we doing?" He grates. The four words hold the future attached to them.

"We're sitting here drinking wine, and I'm debating on if kissing you again is a good idea," her tongue runs over her top lip and the movement of his thumb stops. She's barely half way through her glass so he knows she's definitely not drunk.

"_Liv_.." he chides her, feeling the effect of her words on his libido. "That's not what I mean," Nick leaned to place his wine glass on the coffee table and turned more towards her. He had kissed her and she was more than approving. For months they tiptoed around this conversation. When words exchanged between them began to have meaning; the hugs turned longer and lips that touched cheeks or foreheads. It's time for them to talk about it.

"Nick- we know exactly what we're doing," she sets her wine down also and matches his position on the couch. "I want you to know I'm fine. If anything is going too fast between us I'll tell you," her hand comes up to take a hold of his that rested on his knee. Their fingers intertwine with one another and it feels so natural that it almost scares her.

"You're my Sargeant," he states it as if they both don't know how much they've just put at risk.

"I know," her voice is barely above a whisper. The serious talk wasn't supposed to come this soon. Olivia wants to enjoy the honeymoon stage, the relief of finally admitting what they both have been feeling. But that just isn't possible anymore. He isn't just her partner these days. She's running the precinct now- it's going to cost them a lot more than just switching partners.

"I still have over a month until I'm divorced," he adds.

"What's with this, Nick? What's the point? You think I'm not aware of how much we're putting at risk?" her hand loosens from his and she feels a moment of defeat. "Look, if you regret the kiss- if you've changed your mind-" she's silenced once she feels the weight of his lips tenderly suckling hers. Her eyes flutter to a close as she takes this in; her surroundings, the flutter in her stomach, the goosebumps prickling along her skin. It's like a first love all over again except there's no pressure for it all to be perfect. Nick has seen her at one of the lowest points of her life. Olivia has been there for plenty of his.

His tongue grazes her lower lip and the moan she tries hard to suppress only causes her mouth to part. In an instant his tongue is sliding along hers and the thought of tasting the wine on her lips is no longer just a wish. This push and pull of their relationship- she feels it all swirling and tumbling inside of her as her body feels the effect of his lips against hers. His hand slides against the side of her neck, the tips of his fingers tangling in the root of her hair. He wants so badly to use his other hand to hook around her leg and pull her body down the sofa. To feel her body flush against his, her breasts straining through the material of his shirt she wore…

Nick pulled away from her with his forehead resting against hers. There's a moment of each other just exhaling, catching a breath to calm their aching bodies that roared with want. "I want this and my point- my point is that I'm willing to risk having to move to another unit. I want you to know that," his thumb skims along her cheek and he pecks the tip of her nose before pulling away from her to look her in the eyes.

"You think this has always been there?" He knows exactly what she's referencing; has this love been between them existed longer than the last four months? Nick has been married up until now since joining special victims, she was in a long term relationship with Brian, and she's expecting him to admit that he's felt anything for her before this?

"Do you?" he deflects and a smile grows across her face. His response is all the answers she needs and she feels like all the oxygen has been dispelled from her body. Her world spins and she's dizzy, drunk almost off of their admission to one another.

_**Then…**_

Nick got that call from her just like he had hoped. Zara was with Maria this week, and he was restless without his baby girl at home with him. He was at her place in under thirty.

He called when he was outside for her to let him in, and the moment she opened the door he saw the exhaustion etched across her face. It's not as if he was expecting any better, the woman had just fended for her life _and _a little girl. Nick wanted to hug her, let her cry and tell her he was here for her, and keep this all between them. But he knew Olivia wouldn't allow for that to happen. Proving she could handle it all on her own was her coping mechanism, but Nick was determined to change that.

"Thank you," Nick handed her a cup of hot tea as she sat on the sofa in a pair of sweats and a grey hoodie. She looked like she had showered and at least tried to get some ounce of sleep before calling him. He sat next to her silent, dressed in his plaid pajama pants and a hoodie of his own not sure what to say next. Does he make conversation and try to make things seem normal? Ask how she plans on dealing with this as she lives alone in this apartment?

"You don't have to be so weird around me," she rasps.

"I'm sorry-"

"If I hear that word one more time…" her eyes slam shut and she exhales before taking a sip of her tea. Her body aches, especially her back and her wrists from being anchored to the table in the warehouse. Her heads still pounding from the blow she took for talking back to him. "Everyone feels sorry for me. I mean how can they not? It's happened to me twice now, right?" she lets out a bitter laugh and feels the tears begin to sting the brim of her eyes.

"What can I do for you? How can I help?"

"You're helping me right now by just being here."

_**Now…**_

"_Oliviaaaaaaa!_" The flashbacks of that first night home are muted when she feels the arms of Zara wrap around her legs. The little one brings her right back down to solid ground and she doesn't even realize how much she keeps Olivia going each day.

"My beautiful girl," she bends down in front of the bathroom sink she stood in front of and lifts her into her arms. "Are you excited for your game today?" Zara is still in her pajamas with her hair still in disarray all over her head. Olivia almost laughs because they've got to leave in less than thirty minutes, and the star of their Saturday morning isn't even close to dressed.

"Yes! Daddy says if we win today that we can go get pizza. Will you come with us?" her hands twirl around a lock of Olivia's hair. She knows exactly how to play her.

"Only if it's pepperoni," she adds knowing it's her favorite. "How about two braids today?" she plopped Zara on the counter and sprayed her hair with a few products and began brushing her waves.

"And bows on the end!" She squeals and it makes Olivia smile from ear to ear. Zara wasn't even her child but she would do anything to make this child happy, even if it meant just putting bows at the ends of her braids.

"Do I get a bow too?" Nick appeared leaning against the door frame holding a cup of steaming coffee.

"You don't have any hair daddy!" Zara giggled as she looked in the mirror at her daddy.

"See, I could put one right here," he grabbed the longer part of his hair at the top looking up at it, which reminded him he was in need of a haircut.

"You're so silly!"

"He is silly," Olivia looked up at him grinning. She turned to reach for the mug he held and sighed when he stepped back a little.

"Who says this is for you?" He plays coy with her and keeps the mug out of her hands.

"The lack of cream and sugar," she smirks with an eyebrow raised knowing all too well how he prefers his caffeine. He hands it over accepting defeat and steals a kiss before she's able to resume working on his daughter's hair. He sees the flick of panic on her face at the public display in front of his daughter, but Zara's too busy getting into her bows to even notice.

"Relax," she feels his hand on the side of her waist and he grips the fabric of the t-shirt she wore, exposing the smallest sliver of skin. He stands close behind her and watches her take each piece of his daughter's hair, weaving piece by piece over and under each other until it forms the perfect braid. Nick hadn't ever asked Olivia to help with Zara at all, she kind of just did it on her own. She admitted that Zara gave her purpose, and reminded her that life was worth living when there were beautiful souls like hers still out there. So he didn't bother to step in in moments like this, instead he observed and remained grateful for Olivia's help.

"I'm gonna grab her uniform and pack her cleats and stuff," Nick speaks quietly into her ears and places a kiss to her temple before bending over and placing one to Zara's head. This all feels organic and she suddenly can see every Saturday morning like this. Whether that be a soccer game, or a dance recital she wants the idea of a family to fill her life.

Maria is Zara's mother and soon she'll have to go back to California to be with her. Olivia doesn't even want to think about how quiet this house will be without her. Nick wears his heart on his sleeve when it comes to his little girl, he's not going to handle her being 3,000 miles away well. She's not a parent, she doesn't think she'll ever get to know what that feels like. It doesn't make her as sad anymore though. After years and years of trying to become a mom and being denied so many times, the blow of her reality that included spending the rest of her life alone became less harsh. The thought of being a mother hadn't crossed her mind in so long, but now she wonders if this is her second chance. Just being there for Zara and maybe rediscovering love with Nick.

**Maria is coming to get Zara, you think she'll pick up on the changes between Olivia and Nick? Also I heard reviews are a great mood boosters for those in quarantine xx**


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